and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I currently don't understand fingers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
