During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
