a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
