listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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