chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
