Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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