haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
