Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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