when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize