so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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