just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
