woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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