Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
