So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize