Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
