OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize