actually, I'm a sock model
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
