I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
