yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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