Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
