Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
