how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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