Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
