she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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