Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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