I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
