Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Randomize
