so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
