Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
