This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
