I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
