my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
