Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
