Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
