when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
