I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
