I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
