Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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