i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
