Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
