I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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