Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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