It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
