Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
