went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
