I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
