i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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