I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
