You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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