Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
