I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
