Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
