Apparently you make a good broom.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
