The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
