FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
