I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
