gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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