He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
