i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
