I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Panties = found
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
