2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
