Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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