I just threw up on my dentist
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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