Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize