hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
