Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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